Enough is Enough…
Posted by faiththemutt on November 5, 2010
I’m writing this now, because I know due to some comments from myself, people are going to start asking questions and I don’t have the strength, nor the will to explain anymore than I have to and to top it all off, writing has always been my coping mechanism, especially when it comes to times like these.
This morning, my Mother let the girls out to go potty while she got ready for work. Faith and Paisley were perfectly fine and the day was starting for her, perfectly normally. Apparently, at some point between my Mother peeking out the window and playing a quick game of peek-a-boo with Paisley and the catastrophe, something happened.
Everything occurred so quickly, that when Mom heard Paisley howling, she ran outside to find our baby on the ground struggling to get up and clearly scared. She was rushed to the vet, but despite the best 0f efforts, Paisley passed away.
The vet’s official thought on the matter, is that somehow Paisley must have fallen off of the deck and in the process, broken her neck. None of us here know, how a deck that’s only 2-steps high, that a 12 year-old dog with arthritis can still get up could have brought it to this. Because I know Paisley’s personality and that she never does anything slowly, it’s very possible she went to jump down and did it in a manner that could have caused such an injury, but she’s also done it so many times, that I feel like she would have known better.
All I know, is that it isn’t fair. Not just to my family, but to her. She was still a baby, barely over a year old and so full of life, that this THIS takes the cake. It’s one thing for some cosmic plan to make us decide when it’s time for an old dog to rest, it’s another to simply take a life away and that of a unique young dog. And for that, I have become completely hardened to this year.
I am SICK of losing the people and friends I love. SICK OF IT.
I have remained patient throughout this year, toiling along, constantly keeping up the mantra that it can only get better. But how much more do I or my family have to take? This year has been nothing but pain, my grandfather, Yuri, Ianto, all of the crap that comes with trying to LIVE and now Paisley.
My poor mother is sitting downstairs thinking she could have prevented this from happening, that she could have known that something this UTTERLY RIDICULOUS was going to happen, but she couldn’t have. This is the universe kicking us while we’re down. This is the final sucker punch before 2011 arrives. We loved Paisley, more than anyone will understand, like we love all of our pets. We might complain about their antics, or about the vet bills, but they complete our family.
We adopted Paisley, to give her a life she could never have living at the shelter. To let her live a happy life and to know what it’s like to have a family that loves her. And now she can’t have that because of something so unpredictable and stupid.
This is no one’s fault, but none of us feel anything but guilt. She didn’t deserve this, not like this and not this soon.
I keep waiting to wake up, to find out that it was all a bad dream and that she’s fine and throwing piggies into people’s food again. I want her to burst into my room, pounce on me for being sad and then try to spring Buddha out of jail, like she’s been trying to do since forever.
I want my baby back.
She was a special dog and she made a lot of people happy. She made me smile every day, no matter how often I wanted to be mad at her. She was a nut, a comedian and lover. She snuggled when she felt it was necessary (never) and gave kisses liberally. She kept me going when it felt like my whole life had come crashing down around me and now it has.
There will never be another like her.
I love you Paisley and I’m sorry, that for the first time, it wasn’t a decision we got to make.